children

History of the Kids’ Menu

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Happy Monday! How was your weekend? I had an awesome time relaxing at the beach. I’d been feeling super-run down to the point of actually going to my favorite urgent care for a strep test earlier in the week, but after some relaxation and sun and yes, lobster , I felt back to my usual energetic self.lobster

Funny story about lobster—as a kid, I was terrified of it. Those claws! Then I realized around age 18 that it was delicious. However, the summer I was 19, something really embarrassing and hilarious happened—I was in my first month adjusting to oral contraceptives and basically crying every day as the hormone levels worked themselves out, so everything was a little unpredictable. While on a trip, my family went to a seafood place for dinner. I ordered lobster, as I was wont to do, but when it came on the plate, so cutely curled up like it was peeking at me over its claws, I just started bawling. After a few minutes of wiping my eyes and laughing at myself, I realized that really, the only true way to honor the creature’s death was, well, to eat it. So I did.

Clearly, times have changed. My dining companion and I took down 3 lobsters on Saturday—honored the hell out of ’em. I did most of the hands-on work myself. God, lobster-eating is so barbaric, but so freaking good. Sorry I’m not sorry?

Now that I’m in my late twenties, this happens less and less, but whenever I would go out to eat with my family, the hostess would ask if they needed a children’s menu. When I was a snarky teen, I’d be, like, “Seriously, man? I’m  f***ing old enough to drive. I can eat real food.” Let’s not talk about that time last month when I got carded going into a rated R movie. Or that time when I was 26 and had to snatch a glass of wine back from a waiter who’d taken it from me mid-sip at a fancy family event.  Even as an actual kid, I wasn’t too dazzled by chicken fingers and french fries. My mom is a great cook, and I was exposed to many delicious things, growing up.

Did you know that the kids’ menu actually was first created with wholesomeness and health in mind? No sh*t. Check out this article for more. It’s kind of sad how far we’ve managed to stray. The idea that kids even need their own “type” of food is a little ridiculous, but when you look at the dumbed-down crap we feed kids who need healthy chow to grow and develop into functional adults (with functioning tastebuds), it’s kind of maddening. Cheers to all you parents out there letting your kids eat real food.